- God has brought me laughter, and everyone
who hears about this will laugh with me. (Genesis 21:6)
- Try Jesus, if you don't
like Him, the devil will always take
you back.
- Staying in bed shouting "
OH GOD" does not constitute going to
church.
- I was going to
waste, but Jesus
recycled me.
- God gives
peace when you go to
pieces.
- God wants full custody, not just weekend visits.
-
"
Running low
on faith ? Stop in for a
fill-up
. "
-
" This is a ch
_ _
ch. What
is missing ? " ------ (
U
R
)
-
" Visitors
welcomed. Members
expected.
"
-
There
was a church that had problem with
outsiders parking in its parking lots,
so they put up a sign:
CHURCH
CAR PARK - FOR MEMBERS ONLY;
Trespassers will be
baptized
.
-
"
Looking for the perfect gift ? Find Him here."
-
" Free Trip to heaven.
Details Inside. "
-
" Searching for a
new look ? Have your faith lifted
here ! "
-
" Under the
same management for more than 2,000 years.
"
-
" Try our
Sundays.
They are better than
Baskin-Robbins.
"
- Walmart is not the only saving place !
- They are some questions
that can't be answered by Google.
- iPod?
iPad? Try iPray
! God is listening.
-
An ad for one Church has a picture of two
hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are
inscribed and a headline that reads, "
For fast, fast, fast relief,
take two tablets
."
- God does not believe in atheists, therefore
atheists do not exist.
- The fact that there's a
highway to hell and only a
stairway to
Heaven.
- Jesus does not save halfway.
- A pastor decides to skip church and go play golf. God and Jesus are sitting up in Heaven watching this happen.
- If God is your copilot,
swith seats.
- Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire ?
- Jesus is watching, but the police have radar.
- Honk if you love Jesus,
text while driving if you want
to meet Him.
-
No pain, no palm; no thorns, no throne; no gall, no glory; no cross, no crown. No God, no peace; Know God; know peace.
- The Bible tells us to love our neighbors and also our enemies, probably because they are generally the same people.
-
In the dark ?
Follow the SON.
- Son screen prevents
sin burn.
- God loves you whether you like it or not.
-
If you're headed
in the wrong direction,
God allows
U-turns.
-
If you don't like the way you were
born, try being born
again.
- Exercise daily. Walk with the Lord.
- No body's perfect, but a
Jesus workout could help.
- Bring your sin to the
Altar and drop it like it's Hot.
- " Feeling warm? This church is prayer-conditioned.
"
- " Sinners wanted. Apply within.
"
- Sin is like a credit card, enjoy it now but pay for it later.
- Give Satan an inch and he'll become your ruler.
- You may party in Hell, but you will be the
barbecue.
- I had to go down in flames-to feel the burn, to know the fire, to be the ashes... so that I could rise again in the smoke of my rebirth.
-
It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the
wages of sin.
- Salvation guaranteed or all
sins refunded !
- God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
- Be careful who you
trust, the devil was once angel.
- Download your worries and get online with God.
-
Forbidden fruit
creates many jams.
- Adam and Eve were the first ones to ignore
Apple's terms and conditions.
- Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed
the snake and the snake didn't have
a leg to stand on.
-
If you
can't sleep,
don't count sheep. Talk to the
Shepherd.
- Life is like a pencil,
without Jesus there's no point.
- Acting up in church is like dressing up for an X-ray.
- Read the Bible - It will
scare the hell out of you !
-
Dusty Bibles
lead to Dirty
Lives.
- Store the Bible in your heart, not on a shelf.
-
Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon.
- How do we make Holy
water ? We boil the hell out of it
!
- How did Gordon make his coffee? Hebrewed it.
-
People are like tea bags - you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.
- God didn't create anything without purpose, but mosquitoes do come close !
- Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school but they can in prison ?
- Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside ?
-
" Come work for
the Lord. The work is hard, the
hours are long and the pay is low.
But the retirement benefits are out of
this world . "
- Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we
messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over ?
AMEN !
Religious
Jokes and
Humor